he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
