You're my little dorito
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
