Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
