I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
