ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
