It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
