I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
