No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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