remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
