Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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