I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
