Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
