Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
