I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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