is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
