oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
