I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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