I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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