Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
