never play flip cup with pint glasses
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
