I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
