Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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