I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
