I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found puke in my bra..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
