Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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