ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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