At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
