so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
