I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
