I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
