I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
