I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
