She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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