is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
whose parrot is this?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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