I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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