Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
