that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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