I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
