I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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