I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize