I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
