it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
