we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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