it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Vodka?
Forever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
