Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
