You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
