The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
