Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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