You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
