you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
