i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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