So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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