Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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