I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
