maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Vodka?
Forever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
