Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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