she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
