She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I would ride that face into the sunset
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
