next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
