My sheets look like a crime scene.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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