I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
