Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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