grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
