So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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