I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
