Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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