so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
