I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
