I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
