i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
