My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
