oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
